Thursday, October 11, 2007

Singaporean Husband Hunter

If I can put a (monetary/economic) value on myself for the dating/marriage market, what will it be? Not as exaggerated as this (Hell no, I am just a technologist), but the concept is similar.

I have a profile (complete with picture) in one of the most (in)famous Singaporean online dating sites. Sometimes I get responses from interested ladies asking to be friends. But this one is amongst the most direct and upfront takes the cake. This was only our first MSN conversation! Seems like she shares many of my interests too!

Does true love still exist? Or is everything measured in terms of accomplishments, job titles, schools attended, geographical locations?

*


It started off with her email to me: "Hi, saw your profile on (the website). I would like to make more friends. I hope to hear from you."

Then to MSN

HH says:
May I ask you something on your (web) profile?

tk says:
sure, go ahead.

H says:
is it impt that your partner possess all the qualities that u have listed there?

tk says:
haha, of course not. Doubt such a girl exists

H says:
oh so you wrote it for fun?

tk says:
i wrote the qualities i hope my partner will have, but i am realistic enough to know that it is not possible for her to have all of it.

H says:
yeah, but i'm sure that is a certain value that you value most right?

tk says:
not sure, i don't really impose anything. It's not rigid.

H says:
I love playing Bridge.... its a great game...

tk says:
spore stye or contract bridge style?

H says:
not sure what type, my first contact with it was in Australia. what's the difference?
very intelligent game.

tk says:
card counting; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Singaporean_bridge

H says:
ok

tk says:
your profile is interesting. Unique.

H says:
in what sense?

tk says:
honest, sincere, loads of useful info. Many others simply list ... the mundane stuffs

H says:
yeah, what is in there is what I am.... no doubts about it. I am looking for the one, to be honest.

tk says:
so do we have mutual friends?

H says:
I am prepared to forgo my career at the moment..

tk says:
how impt is career to you?

H says:
what do you think judging from my profile? do you think I went JC? Judging from your profile, I guess we do not have mutual friends.

tk says:
haha. why do you say that? What does my profile say that is implied?

H says:
yup it is? certain feel about your profile that's all

tk says:
i went to JC. yupz

H says:
i bet you were from RJC

tk says:
hahahha. why????

H says:
not sure, just a feel. I am not good in my studies. so that answers your question, I can't be in the top JCs. I am looking for someone who is very accomplished in their chosen field but is humble about it. you fit the bill

tk says:
i dun think i am accomplished

H says:
no worries! Do you think u make a good partner then? If the gal is willing to move with you, what will you do to ensure the smooth transition?

tk says:
get settled?Get to know the pple in the neighborhood as the first step to integration.

tk says:
so far, i still think career should be number 1 priority. For me lah

H says:
okay, if this is your choice, stick to it.... and make it clear to your parents.... settle down late....for guys it should not be an issue

tk says:
unless i can get the girl to move with me to the US

H says:
you will be free once you make you decision. I believe there are gals who are willing to relocate.

tk says:
not many sg girls i know want to relocate

H says:
I'm pretty optimistic

tk says:
lol

H says:
hmm, I don't know what's your view? but I believe in setting my family right before pursuing my career. its psychological, you need support as a human.... what best way to get other than your spouse, right?

tk says:
sometimes u don't have that option. Then how? Go around searching for the one while your career stagnates?


*


Quotable (reinforcing the stereotypes):

But one woman in her mid-20s applauded the husband hunter's candor on Craigslist.com.

It's "not about the money, and it is not a matter of materialism," she wrote. "Rather, it provides an umbrella under which many other qualities seem to fall: premium educational background, high level of motivation, a family who raised the man well (and therefore good genes and similar breeding) and a socio-economic background that reflects your own."

...As coldhearted as it seems, the Craigslist plea reflects the "functional relationship" between many men and women, said Bassil, who wrote the book "From the Bar to the Bedroom."

"Women are attracted to ambition, and that translates into security with high earning power," said Bassil. "Men value looks and beauty and equate the relationship with how good-looking their women are."

8 comments:

L'oiseau rebelle said...

Seriously, what planet are you living on? People need to survive, and in modern society, you need money to feed yourself. Can you grow your own squash and tomatoes, enough to feed yourself without going to the supermarket? And you need a roof over your head. If you are given some land in wide open New Mexico, would you be able to build your own adobe house from scratch, instead of paying someone to build a stucco house for you? Our world is structured such that we need to fork out cash in order to just... live. And in certain parts of the world, we need to fork out a helluva cash just to have a decent roof over our heads.

This is a rational response to an irrational world. Love is one thing, but we still need food and shelter. And shelter is getting increasingly hard to obtain. When a cramped apartment goes for six figures... it seems that we are spending much of our lives in 'survival' mode, despite our relative affluence, to the detriment of the 'nice' things in life such as family and leisure time. I find it hard to fault people for wanting to secure a stable partnership in order to get out of a 'survival'* mode.

That said, requesting a husband who makes at least $x a year is a tad too extreme.

*Let's not go into lengthy definitions of 'survival' mode here... there's survival = trying to make a modest living when prices of everything are increasing and survival = the necessity to live an expensive lifestyle, a la the Silicon Valley residents I mocked on my blog. Here I'm obviously referring to the former.

L'oiseau rebelle said...

To add to my previous comment: it's the same way I find it difficult to fault Singaporeans for being money-minded, even though I'm trying to move away from such a mindset. When it is quite a stretch to pay for a three- or four-room flat on the average monthly pay... plus dealing with ever increasing public transport fares...

tong said...

takchek,
自古以来,有一种情感是不能以金钱来衡量的。有一种女人会为一种情感自死永不渝的。不思量,自难忘。
此情无计可消除,才下眉头,却上心头.( 一剪梅 李清照 )
无情不似多情苦,一寸还成千万缕.天涯地角有穷时,只有相思无尽处. (玉楼春 晏殊)
欲尽此情书尺素,浮雁沈鱼,终了无凭据.却倚缓弦歌别绪,断肠移破秦筝柱. (晏几道词)
天不老,情难绝。。。。。但愿人长久
用金钱来衡量情感,那是个不知情为何物之人!泪痕红浥鲛绡透 。。。。。。唉! 
到老死,才会把那份情留在无尽的宇宙。。。。。。。。。

童话

Kite said...

My own thoughts ...

I wonder why nobody interpreted the Gold digger emails as a lark. Sure, people do have strange thoughts. But they also have lots of fun. I went to a Wall Street feeder school and worked in Wall Street for a period. The truth is that my friends and I do joke around with some of these topics, and I will admit that I have posted fake Craigslist ads and dating profiles on websites just to see what would happen, as have a couple of my friends.

Some of these profiles are pretty realistic sketches of those around me, though I have yet to use photos.

Truth is, the tall and nice investment banker type does attract a lot of mail, even though there is no photo.

I put up my own profile at the dating website with no photo and there was no response. But let me tell you that I have received plenty of enquiries on the social networking websites with photos, and also at social events where I forked out some money to get all dolled up.

Hence there is definitely some truth in the saying that men go for looks and women go for money. But it is not the be-all end-all.

Btw, even though you seem like quite a nice and eligible young man, I always did think that you were a tad selfish in wanting a smart and interesting young thing, quite pretty, with decent income and more importantly, willing to subsume her career to yours ie be the trailing spouse. But humans are always contradictory anyway, aren't they?

aglassofwine said...

haha, im really interested to know: so what happened after that conversation w/ HH? haha.

tong said...

哦!真是无法了解一些男人为何不知道世界上有一种女人是为了爱情,不是为了金钱,哈。。可怜哟男人!!
有一个朋友二十几年前,一个男人刺伤了她的心,可她仍然对那男人一直无法忘怀。
也许向张先写的“天不老,情难绝,心似双丝网,中有千千结”。不过,那种的情感确实是真有的。建议听一千年以后和
童话,不可以认为女人都是为了金钱!!也许你也曾失去过。。。哈!Goodnight!

-ben said...

Marriage is for women the commonest mode of livelihood, and the total amount of undesired sex endured by women is probably greater in marriage than in prostitution.
(Bertrand Russell)

Thanks for the laugh. I know more than a few females (a few of them SIA gals) who married for money, only to have their husbands go broke later.

And some say God doesn't have a sense of humor, eh? :-P

Patsy said...

I came across your blogs randomly, by a chance of luck you may call it ... ur comments often offer a blunt and rather raw perspective to things .. couldnt stop reading...what happened to miss H after all these conversations ?