Complicated
From the phone log:
Call 8
(Name deleted)
1-XXX-XXX-XXXX
12.37am 3/30/06
01:37:35
She called while I was about to doze off to dreamland. We talked, and I was in a semi-conscious state. I was happy she did, and we discussed a whole range of issues - Singapore, our family backgrounds, her scholarship board (and my disdain for the *bondage*), our JC past. I sang 关怀方式, finally proving to her that I had committed the entire song to memory. (Why? I don't know. It was a promise I had stupidly made earlier.)
Thanks for the heads up on "黄城夜韵".
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I slept at 3am this morning after sending her home. We watched a movie (ironically titled Faithless), then spent more time at the penthouse admiring the night lights of this city.
Me: The lights are beautiful.
Her: Why do they turn it on the whole night?
Me: For you to look at when you are feeling down. That life goes on with or without you. Always the outsider, looking in. I pity those office rats working the night shift.
It was cold with the wind blowing - I was only wearing a sweatshirt and berms; I could also see that she was shivering. But neither wanted to say "Let's go back in". So we just stood by our stubbornness, and tried to forget about it. It was a pity the city lights had swamped out the stars.
Told her about "虫儿飞". She laughed.
黑黑的天空低垂
亮亮的繁星相随
虫儿飞 虫儿飞
你在思念谁
天上的星星流泪
地上的玫瑰枯萎
冷风吹 冷风吹
只要有你陪
虫儿飞 花儿睡
一双又一对才美
不怕天黑 只怕心碎
不管累不累
也不管东南西北
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The next two Saturdays are also booked.
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Under the glow of the lamps, i sat beside a very young teenage couple - the girl was in her school uniform, she had bubble tea as well in her hand, an arm around her waist and a nose in her hair. In her bedroom, she probably have a photo of themselves, him looking down at her and she staring back at him, heart shaped objects flitting in the air above her head. Above his might have been question marks and a thought bubble that went 'yea right'. But that's the thing about first crushes, you don't question it at all. You don't second guess it. You don't doubt it. You don't get cynical about it. You don't tell yourself to take it slow. Basically, you don't bring baggage to it. You let it play out just the way you instinctively believe it must be done and live the regrets later. One might have sighed and smiled at that picture of puppy love, i'm sorry but i felt only revulsion and a touch of sadness.
Unfortunately we are no longer 18 (or 16?).
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The Last Thing You Want Is To Be Friends
That's why you need to go for this (2.5 months too late, but well...):
2 comments:
Hi,Tak chek, I found your blog while I was searching for some chemistry blog. Your Tak Chek drew my attention straight away, ticks the chord in me.
It is very Hock Kian, and to me it is very homely. It is very familiar word though I did not hear of it for a long long time. It was the word used to shout at me (practically everyday) when I was very young by my mum and my grandma, and the word most often used when the old grandma tried to motivate me (.好好读书, 好好写字，就可做官). It was one of the words used in their prayer when they prayed to my grandpa or ancestors. To me, it carries a strong emotion: old generation’s inspiration, hope, and love. I must say you had chosen a label of deep meaning and of high value.
OK, What ever research you are doing, 加油! And keep up with your blog.
Hauw. T. L
I read your old blogs on your life as a post doc in a place far away from home and friends. They brought me back to the time when I was a chem researcher at U of Western Ontario some 40 yrs ago. It is not the work or the challenges, but is the feeling that they have brought back.
Time had changed, but the memory remains vivid of the feelings that often crept into me then, that was a bit of being desolate, a bit of loneliness plus a bit of home sick. When they mixed up with the serenity and quietness of the place, they blended into a scenario of indescribable beauty (actually I should say is ‘凄美’ ). Now you had added to it "虫儿飞", which romanticize your blog. I tracked down the song to U tube, listen to it again and again while reading. I like it very much as it makes a resonance in me when I was reflecting the said scenario.
Well, must say thank you for ur time and effort which gives me much pleasure.
Hauw t.l
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