Thursday, July 05, 2007

Careers, Family and Relationships

I probably blogged about this (or something closely related) before, but I still think it is worth another entry for the record.

So on the way home earlier after watching the July 4th fireworks across town, my housemate (an American dude) asked me about my long term plans with the company.

I told him I have no idea. Nobody in this Globalization 3.0 age would talk about long term employment with a single company. But I am fairly certain I will be moving about in different cities/places, even if I am to remain in/with the same company.

For the most recent quarter of my life, I have moved from Singapore to live/work/study in 5 cities (US and Japan), ranging anywhere from 3 months to 4 years. I believe this is the main reason for my difficulty in getting hitched. I am unsettled. I am not even sure I will sink my roots down in one place. Short of getting a homemaker, it will be unfair for her to adjust her career to my operational needs. And I have yet to talk about (having) kids.

There is already a precedent in my family. The most successful (career wise) of my mum's siblings is also the one who had his first and only child in his 40s. While he was earning two Masters degrees simultaneously from MIT and Harvard, his wife was pursuing her MFA at UCL in London. Then followed by their separate job postings in the US, UK, Malaysia and China. Only decided to move back to Singapore when they were in their early 40s and finally settle down.

My aunt also served as the example to my granny's warnings about dating/marrying RGS girls. Too focused on their careers vs. familial needs. Heh.

I look at those peers of mine who are married. ~80% are civil servants. What does that tell you? Then again maybe they just so happened to tie the knot.


QQ*librarian said...

Hi Takchek,

Thanks for visiting my blog and leaving a comment. Hope you find a suitable partner soon! :-)

-ben said...

Why the fixation on getting hitched and popping out kids? I always found that baffling. Does being in legal wedlock equate being "settled"? The increasing number of people undergoing divorces, or undergoing annulment of their marriages, would certainly disagree.

takchek said...

Why the fixation on NOT getting hitched and popping out kids?

To each his own. I am not sure at this point in my life if I want to have kids. But I would like to have a companion.

As for people divorcing, breaking-up and what-nots, again it depends on the couple in question.

I don't mind co-habiting, if the other party is agreeable to it! Heh.

Major said...

I think it's a problem that anyone in science will face, until they attain tenured positions. Civil servants are mostly rooted to one place and therefore find it easier to settle down, so it's no coincidence in my opinion!

Takchek, since you desire companionship, don't let your mobility affect who you go out with. Just do it and the cross the bridge when it comes.

One tip though - make sure girls don't become aware of your desire for companionship! It's a definite turn-off! ;)

takchek said...

I think it is obvious to any girl if you are chasing her.

What matters most is knowing when to back off - e.g she is not keen or you think the relationship isn't going to work out etc.

Getting tenure doesn't ensure finding a mate either. You do know that tenured professors move around too, right? Besides, if you end up becoming a prof/researcher in a college town/national lab that is far away from any major metropolitan area, you can kiss goodbye to your chances too. Unless you date your students. Haha.

Major said...

There's a difference here - if you are chasing a girl and she is unaware of the fact that you generally desire companionship, this makes her feel special. If, on the other hand, the girl finds out from other sources that you desired companionship prior to your knowing her, it's a turn-off.